The gifts and gaps of our childhood made us dependent when it comes to emotional needs and love. We never taught to be comfortable by our own, the gifts of constant support or the gap of that support made us dependent to always crave that validation, that support from outside. School doesn’t teach us how to love and be loved nor it teaches us how to be ourselves.
How do you know yourself better? How do you start to realize how you are wired? what is the root causes of your reaction, behavior in such a manner that put you in pain? How and why do you respond to certain situation in a certain way? And now what you can do to change it?
This book took me to my childhood and helped me to know me better. Each and every exercise from this book has re-opened the page of my childhood and took me back to very special memories to not so happy incidents. This book showed me the mirror what made me ME. There are so many things we take from our childhood which has the influence over our close relationships and we forget to recognize that we need to unlearn so many things in order to learn by own way.
I read somewhere until thirty you learn to unlearn so many things in order to be YOU.
Okay, let me ask what are your childhood traumas and are you still triggered by the same, have you asked for help when you are still struggling to come out of it? what are the changes you have to make in order to heal? You don’t have control what and who caused you pain but to heal, is always in your hand. I hope you choose to heal and don’t sit in that mud and grieve for long. It postpones life.
Why You should read this book?
- Jay Shetty was a monk and he has learnt about Hindu Vedas and Scriptures and most of the the learning from this book is derived from those Vedas and Bhagavat Gita. The author has put his version to make you relate and understand from today’s perspective about love.
- My favorite thing about this book is the activities and brain-storming, The author has created ‘try this’ box and asked questions and also provided with suggestions.
- The letters are the highlights of the book.
- This book is looking back to your childhood to know yourself better in order to heal and love.
- This is the book about Love.
I have to mention that there is nothing extremely surprising for you to find out about love from this book nor it has any fairytales secret you could expect, you basically know almost everything from this book, it is the book that make you more aware, it would make you ask not only simple and important but also some uncomfortable questions to yourself that you might be ignoring or it never occurred to you. It’s on you to answer those questions for yourself in order to grow and love.
My Favorite Lines from the book.
“It’s not about finding the perfect person or relationship and leaving rest to chance. I want to help you intentionally to build love instead of wishing, wanting, and waiting for it to arrive fully formed. I want to help you deal with the challenges and imperfections we encounter on the journey to love. I want you to create a love that grows everyday, expanding and evolving rather than just achieved and complete. We can’t know where and when we’ll find love, but we can prepare for it and practice what we’ve learned when we find it.”
“Love is not about staging the perfect proposal or creating a perfect relationship. It’s about learning to navigate the imperfections that are intrinsic to ourselves, our partner, and life itself.”
“Knowing more about ourselves and what we enjoy helps us feel comfortable in solitude. We’ll be more willing to spend more time pursuing our interests without needing the safety net of a companion.”
“In a relationship, remember until you act on your goals, your partner won’t know that they are truly important to you.”
“Solitude helps you recognize that there is a you before, a you during, and a you after every relationship, forging your own way even when you have company and love.”
“Two of the key skills we learn in solitude are self control and patience.”
“People determine how to treat us in large part by observing how we treat ourselves.”
“The Bhagavad Gita says that divine love of God is to know their greatness but gravitate to their sweetness.”
“The only way to avoid miscommunication is to talk about love using far more than those three words ‘ I Love You’.”
“How do you handle your differences is more important than finding your similarities.”
“Instead of setting rhythms and routines, we often worry or wonder where the relationship is going or complain.”
“Love means that you value your partner enough to confront difficult areas.”
“We expect love to flow naturally, but this is extremely rare, and often it means that we’re not taking on the tougher issues. We need to make mistakes, identify what we need to change, and work on doing better.”
“Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.” – ANTOINE DE SAINT- EXUPERY
“Her response was, ” I trust you.” I realized I didn’t want or need her to love me for my achievements. I didn’t need her to validate me. It’s easy to respect success. She was offering me something greater: her unconditional support and faith in me.”
“Our goal is simply to help them get to the next step in their journey, not the next step in our vision of what their journey should be.”
“The couples need to maintain their individual identity within the relationship rather than let the relationship define them.”
“Keep in mind that the goal of the productive argument isn’t to get to a specific reaction or a positive response. What you’re looking for is a solution to the problem.”
“You deserve love and respect and your safety is nonnegotiable.”
“No relationship is perfect all the time. But when challenge do arise, notice if you’re the only one trying to fix them.”
“We don’t just bond over movies and TV shows; we bond over beliefs and shared sense of mission.”
“Do you love this person enough to deal with some discomfort as you work through the issue?”
“This emotional wound in need of closure is yours to deal with. You can bandage it most effectively yourself.”
“I want you to reflect on what you got wrong in the relationship? what were the mistakes you made, an what could you have improved? If you don’t learn these lessons, you may find yourself repeating this unsuccessful dynamic for the rest of your life.”
“We are defined by what we accept.”
“You can seek love your whole life and never find it, or you can give love your whole life and experience joy. Experience it, practice it, and create it instead of waiting for it to find you. The more you do this, the more you will experience the depths of love from different people throughout every single day for the rest of your life.”
